It’s really hard not to tell the people you are closest to about the plans for your future. Especially your family. And it’s getting harder and harder to hide why I’m becoming savvy on pregnancy food restrictions, why I’m planning to retire from competitive dance at the end of the year, and why I’m suddenly obsessed with bringing my blood sugars down to a much lower level than usual.

I’m very lucky that no one in my family has asked about, or pressured my husband and I about, expanding our family. (My in-laws are another story, but whatever.) They probably don’t pressure us for one of two reasons: 1) Why get everyone’s hopes up for something that may or may not happen? Perhaps they are protecting themselves from a letdown of never having biological grandchildren. 2) Fear – they don’t pressure us for fear I’ll go the way of Steel Magnolias and I’d send everyone into a panicked frenzy.

I remember seeing Steel Magnolias as a kid and only remember associating myself with Julia Roberts’ diabetic character. I’m sure my mom probably remembers doing the same. Granted, diabetic technology is far more advanced now than it was in the 80s, and frankly, Hollywood exaggerates anything, but when it hits that close to home, it’s hard to erase that association from your mind. An OB I recently met with actually told me to avoid the movie all together and not to watch it again if I was planning to. And I snarkily suggested that my husband have my mother in law watch the movie the next time she pressures him about grandchildren.

Why the downer today?

I went to my cousin’s baby shower today. She’s due in a few weeks. Perhaps the pressure for grandchildren is off my plate for now because we’re already going to have a new addition to the family very soon. I’m excited for all of us. However, it makes me nervous thinking about all the stress I’ll be inflicting on my entire family. There is a reason I’m completely neurotic – it’s hereditary.

I know I can’t let fear get in the way of this. My goal is to carry on with my plans until it’s deemed impossible by my doctors or me personally. Today I was given a push to make good on my goal.

These are two vases were part of flower arrangements given to my mom when she had me. I’m determined to have them sitting in a nursery of my own some day.

Hope springs eternal…