Square Peg, Round Hole

Square Peg in a Round Hole

The problem with trying to blend in with non-PWDs is the desire to try and do just as much as any over-worked and stressed, but otherwise healthy average American would attempt. The difference is that I need to manage a pre-existing chronic condition on top of the stressors that present themselves – either by choice or not.

I had my three month follow up with my endocrinologist this morning. This appointment comes after a very rough weekend of some of the highest, sticky blood sugars I’ve seen in a while. Y’know – the ones where additional full corrections don’t budge your 300s, even after a full set change, new vial of insulin, etc. for a number of hours. And when you recover slightly to eat again, you are back to where you started.

Just one week ago, I had been considering buying stock in GlucoLift because I was going through bottles of tablets in a week and consistently dropped at the same times.

Twice my CGM registered “Above 400,” which wasn’t entirely accurate. But still didn’t make me feel any better. And since I was in a competition setting all weekend, my patience was already wearing thin. (A post-comp post-mortum is planned… with photos. Don’t worry.)

My doctor’s “solution?” He suggested putting me on bed-rest for the rest of my life… possibly under sedation so I wouldn’t know I was there. That way, all variables affecting my blood sugars will be the same.

Obviously, a joke. (Well… mostly.)

For the time being, I have a “type 1 diabetes (uncontrolled)” note on my medical record. And he still wonders why I went off my birth control pills because clearly, there is no way I could have a baby right now; even with a 5.9% A1C.

His frustration stems from the fact that he isn’t sure what to do with me; that every time we tweak something in a basal rate or a bolus ratio, something else changes and establishes 15 other problems. Three months ago, I was going to take it easy on the dancing, but ultimately realized that I could still afford to do it. (He threw in the “maybe you should take a dance break” idea and I was ready to throw my iPhone at him.) Surely he doesn’t think that my life can be that consistent… or that ANYONE’S life is that consistent?

Here are things that have, however, changed since I last saw my doctor, three months ago: I now have a full time job; I still have a second part time job; the dance studio went from closing, to possibly being sold, and to new ownership with renovations planned; I’ve had my brain scanned and seen 3 different doctors for the same issue; I upped my physical activity in order to compete last weekend; my grandfather is stressing out my family because of his health; and then everything in between.

So – logically… what would have worked three months ago probably isn’t going to work now. Imagine that. I haven’t read one blog in the DOC that says life is easy and consistent, and therefore their blood glucose control is a reflection of stability. I don’t fit the norm and I’m well aware of that. I’m just so tired of the “we don’t know what to do with you” attitude.


6 thoughts on “Square Peg, Round Hole

  1. Scott E says:

    I wish I had the answers for you, Jen. Part of me wants to say to forget everything you’ve learned so far… just re-boot and start over. But that likely won’t work.

    Does your doctor look at Carelink Pro charts (from pump downloads)? With the info on there, and the right amount of skill, he should be able to separate what’s causing you to “fall off the glucoaster” and what’s just a symptom of hanging on for dear life. Find, and fix, one problems, and surprisingly others seem to fall into place. Sort of.

    • seejendance says:

      Yeah but it was the first time in a month I had done any upload for my CDE. And my download today had much different results than the one from Wednesday, which makes it more frustrating.

  2. Scott K. Johnson says:

    Hang in there, Jen. It has to be super frustrating to have your endo make you feel weird, but I stick to the thinking that none of us fit the norm and our care teams are there to help us do what we want to do in life. I’ve got a big ninjabetic chop to deliver to that doc of yours…

  3. Briley says:

    Living a consistent life is difficult, whether you have diabetes or not. I know that when I am having trouble I start by going back to the basics as far as food goes. Eating things that I know do not wreck havoc on my sugars and then go from there. I hope that you can work things out!

  4. lainiegurl says:

    Hang in there. I know the frustration and find myself ready to give into Diabetes Burnout. I try not to allow myself to throw a childlike tantrum because my numbers aren’t going my way (even though, my tantrum-throwing inner child wins sometimes). Try not to let it get to you, it will get better.

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